My Inconsiderate Driver Fantasy (Warning: Large Guns Involved)

A few months ago, I was driving home from my mandatory 8-hour gauntlet of pain and suffering, that I am very thankful for because it makes me appreciate the remaining 16 hours so much more, when a car raced up behind me faster than a jack-rabbit on espresso.  I was in the left lane, but was keeping up with traffic, so in my now-a-bit-angered-but-controlled mind, I felt the aggression was unwarranted.  So what did I do? The  rest of the story in a few minutes.  First, a fantasy sequence.

                                  _________________________________________________

[Begin dream sequence] When I find myself in these situations usually my first instinct is to slam on the brakes, cut the wheels fast and hard, and in a slow motion, rubber-squealing, spinning U-turn with sparks and smoke (and worthy of a John Woo movie- think Face Off and Mission Impossible II), I grab the wheel with my imaginary 3rd hand because I need the other two for the guns (they do it in the movies I can do it in my fantasies).  I pull out two ridiculously huge automatic, military grade, 50-caliber weapons, usually reserved for tanks, but now about to be employed on this inconsiderate driver, and smile menacingly.  At him.  Because he is about to get what he deserves.  

Before he realizes just who it is that he has unwittingly offended, I pull both triggers simultaneously, unloading a barrage of smoking lead welcome committee on his Chrysler.  The sound of the round casings hitting the 75-mph pavement are like the chattering teeth of the grim reaper.  The smoke coming from the barrels of my now red-hot, Iron Punishers is like incense to Rage.  Every round that punches a nickel-size hole in his pathetic excuse for a machine is a lesson in manners.  And as the firing pins run out of "messages" to deliver, the offending party now humbles himself and backs off of my more-manly SUV.  A defeated foe.  [End dream sequence]. 
                                    ___________________________________________

I think this is normal alpha male behavior. Right?

So after my dream sequence is done (it happens in my mind in about 5 seconds) I do what I am sure all passive-aggressive Christ followers do who prefer not to "do time", I take my foot off the gas.  And pray he doesn't hit my rear end. But then, glaring at me in the rear view mirror, is my sticker Conscience...my lil' Christian window sticker, NOTW, which shouts to the 4-lane world "CHRISTIAN ON BOARD, TAILGATE WITHOUT FEAR OF RETRIBUTION!", and I move out of the guys way.  Not gladly.  And as he passes me going about 90, he swerves over as to sideswipe me, (narrowly missing me because I have cat-like reflexes) and I noticed that he too has a lil' Christian bumper (not window) sticker.

I am immediately convicted because if I had not been reminded of all the eyes on me and my identity in Christ via the sticker, I could easily allow my angry reactions to take over just like him.  Allow road rage to take over.  And bring humiliation to the name of Jesus.  "Just another Christian hypocrite", would be the thoughts of the other drivers.  Just like they may have been thinking about that guy.  He was talking, but not walking.  And it's the walking that makes or breaks our reputation.  Our testimony.  Do that enough times, and though Christ will forgive you, the world will not.  

There was a low period in my life where I was angry all the time. But seeing the ICTHUS fish on my car did not bring conviction and I eventually realized that I was continually offending Christ's reputation, because I was an overly aggressive driver. So, I took it off.  That was a low point for me, but now looking back, I believe it was the right thing to do.  Eventually, I made it through to the end of that tunnel, and now anger doesn't control my life (my kids do).   I guess my point is that the world is watching us, and I believe they desperately want to believe in a God that forgives them, that loves them, who is merciful, benevolent, and kind.  If all they see is His people react in sin every time they are offended it is like "another brick in the wall" to Christ and eternal life, to miscast a Pink Floyd song.  Maybe just better to take the sticker off for a while.  
                                    _________________________________________

Question: Anybody struggle with anger?  How did you deal with it?  Do you agree with this?  All opinions welcome...

God is Stomping On My Dreams

The world can be divided up into two types of people.  Those who are dreamers and those who like to snatch those dreams, throw them into the dirt and jump up and down on them in the name of pragmatism.  I guess you figured out which half I am. ;>) (And I married the other half...although the stomping on my dreams thing was a slight exaggeration).  To borrow a phrase from Asian philosophy, she is the Yin to my Yang.  The Laurel to My Hardy.  The gravy on my biscuits (Ok...that one was weird).  But in the grand scheme of life her ilk, the pragmatists, have it easy.  Here's why. (But first pause to enjoy this mildly related cartoon)

              ___________________________________________________________________

                     ____________________________________________________________

Most pragmatists are even-keeled, steady Eddies who seem to take all that life throws at them in stride. They are typically content, even-tempered, and achieve many of their goals.  (and Yes...most of us dreamers wish we were more like them, but will never admit it).  As for us dreamers, disappointment and frustration are a constant companion.  Our life is ridden on the roller coaster ride of hope and despair where crushed and broken dreams are a fact of life.  Period. Because let's face it.  We live in a sinful world that has failed the hopeful since the Garden.  When the infant artistry of Creation became thorns, and thistles, and work.  When all was lost for several thousand years.  Am I painting a bleak picture?  Are you thinking to yourself, "What a miserable, glass-half-empty, cynic this guy is." If you are, you'd be right. (If you aren't then you must not be paying attention)  I have been called that more than once in my life.

Not that I don't have every reason to be cynical.  I have dreamed more dreams in my life only to see them fizzle, fade, or be utterly annihilated. And I'm not talking about self-serving, it's-all-about-me, show me the money, American Idol fantasies. No, I'm talking about things that I know God placed on my heart.  Psalm 37 states, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires [dreams] of your heart."  I chase after the Lord and He gives me dreams to follow.  And follow I do.  With passion and zeal and reckless abandon.  Then God snatches them away.  He breaks my heart.

When God commanded Abraham to slay his son Isaac, Abraham obeyed.  God gave him his dream, he was now taking it back.  But it doesn't say he was happy about it. I wonder how long Abraham held his son just to feel him in his arms alive one last time- the motion of his breaths, the feel of his dusty hair brushing on his father's sunburned face,  Isaac's arms clasped tightly around his fathers shoulders tighter and tighter as he begins to understand. I bet he wanted to hold him for days and days.  His only son.  I wonder what the raw, hideous emotion of that moment was like as Abraham was raising the sacrificial dagger to do what only the pagans did (sacrifice their sons to their gods). I can picture Isaac wailing, screaming, with tears and sweat soaking him and the stone altar he's on for fear of his life, terrorized as he watches his father about to plunge the knife into him. I see Abraham, sobbing uncontrollably, confused, and angry, and with nothing but the fear of God left to move him, he commits himself to God.  Of course we know how the story ends.    

If that is the ultimate test of my devotion to my Saviour, I predict more testing and dream crushing in my future.  But in my 23 years of walking (sometimes scraping along on my belly or dragging on my hindparts) with Jesus, I am learning more and more that the ultimate dream is what's on the other side of that torn curtain.  It is He Himself.  Am I yearning for my dream or dreaming of Him?  How often do I cling to the dream and take my gaze off the Dream Giver?  For me, a little less now (I hope) than 23 long years ago.  How about you?

 

I Dare You To Pray This

This is an amazing and scary challenge from Francis Chan (spontaneously while he's  on a plane).  But in my humble opinion, if you're too afraid to pray things that scare the living daylights out of you for fear that God may actually answer then why on earth did you become a believer in Jesus in the first place.  This is a scary prayer, but I say let's go for broke, let's take the leap.  God's abundant life is not boring, you can be sure.  It has challenged me and my wife greatly.  I prayed...and am now very much afraid.  Go ahead.  I dare you.

The Awkward Ex-Church Member Reunion

Have you ever run into someone from a former church in the store and the Awkward-O'-Meter goes through the roof?  Yeah, well that just happened to me and of course I was mostly to blame. More on that in a minute.

As much as I'm not proud of this fact - it's true. In the 11 years that my wife and I have lived in Richmond, we've gone to 3 churches and have been at our current (3rd) church for 5 years.  So go ahead...I know that you are right this second as you read this relegating me to an infamous sub-faction of Christianity…the church-hopper.  But you'd be wrong.  So allow me to defend myself my spiritual brethren and sistren (??)  I think I just made up a word. 

[Serious aside] Contrary to what you are thinking (at least what I think you're thinking) I am a huge advocate of NOT choosing a church the way you choose a gym or a club or your favorite restaurant.  No, I believe that the church is a living thing, a holy thing, and while we should seek God in all our decisions, I believe He cares deeply about where we choose to fellowship.  Because church is more than just a place to break bread, it is a place where we become a part of the Body, the Body of Christ.  We get it. So believe me when I tell you that we did not take our decision lightly when we decided to leave our first church. Suffice it to say we feel now that we are right where God wants us. OK...now to back to awkward reunions. [End of serious aside]

So, I run into this old former church acquaintance and it's been 5 years so I figure the conversation will be easy, cordial banter and then back to shopping for baseball helmets.  Until he pops the question.  You know the one.  THE BIG QUESTION.  "So Keith...what happened?" (clearly referring to me tearing out his heart and stomping on it).  WHAT HAPPENED???!!!  Really?  You want to go there?  OK, I was not prepared for this, sort of in the same way you aren't prepared for that huge piece of truck re-tread in the middle of the highway because you're jamming to some David Crowder song...by the time you see it, it's too late.  You just brace yourself....and BAM!!...hit it and pray a tire doesn't fall off.  

So, figuratively speaking, I had just hit the re-tread.  Well, not only did the tire come off...the window cracked, my fan belt broke..it got ugly quick.  To my horror, I heard myself begin to utter things like "didn't agree with the theology" and "failed leadership"..."not happy with the Sunday School program".  I could not make myself shut up. And to make matters worse (yes, it gets worse) after my monologue of death his response was "Well, I still go there..."  Wonderful.  Amazing.  Fabulous.  I am officially the worst ex-church member ever.

The last thing I remember I was staggering away, my confidence in my own humanity a little tarnished…a little humbled.  On to the baseball helmets.   

Has a similar awkward experience ever happened to any of you?  Any funny stories to share? 

Two Quotes

It's Sunday and as I get ready to worship I stumbled on these two quotes (not related) in my journal.  One from an old...er...former pastor at Va. Beach Community Chapel and one from a late pastor, writer, and prophet. Both are memorable. 

"If you want something you've never had before, you must do something you've never done before."
                                                                           - Larry Shoafe

"A real Christian is an odd number anyway.  He feels supreme love for One whom he has never seen; talks familiarly to Someone everyday he cannot see; expects to go to heaven on the virtue of another; empties himself in order to be full; admits he is wrong so he can be declared right; goes down in order to get up; is strongest when he is weakest, richest when he is poorest, and happiest when he feels the worst; he dies so he can live; gives away so he can keep; sees the invisible; hears the inaudible; and knows that which [is unknowable]."  
                                       -A.W. Tozer  (excerpt from The Pursuit of God)

                                                                               

Garbage In, Garbage Out

When I was in college, a fraternity brother of mine had the nickname GIGO...Garbage In, Garbage Out.  He earned it by eating nothing but junk food and being the king of trash talk.  His name fit him well.  One thing the Holy Spirit has convicted me of this week is well described by this same phrase.  For most of my Christian life (I have been a believer in Christ since I was 20, so over half my life!) when it came to my taste in music or TV or movies I would ask the question, "Is it sinful to listen to or watch this?" and make my choice thusly. Not surprisingly I usually listened or watched.  I was feeding my mind garbage and that was precisely what was being produced in my life.

What never occurred to me is that these choices would shape my attitudes, behavior, thoughts, and language according to the lowest bar possible throwing a wide net that affects my family, friends, and my future.  I wanted to know how much could I get away with and still not be "in sin".  My goal, unbeknown to me at the time, was not to live my life in a way that glorified God, but in a way to not NOT glorify Him. (Make sense?)  It was a recipe for mediocrity and a powerless Christian life. You reap what you sow.

Then I was reminded of a verse I thought I knew. The verse in Hebrews 12 says to "throw off everything that hinders AND the sin that so easily entangles and run...the race marked out for us." There are TWO things that were keeping me from "running" well. Sin surely, but also hindrances. Things that aren't necessarily sin, just not God's best for me to run my race effectively.  Amazing!!  So I've been running with my eyes on my back to keep the sin off when I never looked ahead to realize I've been in the lane with all the potholes. It is by no accident that the next verse says, "Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus".

Power of the resurrection

In the spirit of keeping things light I give you "Stupendous Man".  Actually, I was reading Phillipians 3:10,11 yesterday.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection 

and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, 

becoming like Him in His death, and so somehow,

 to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

The word "power" stirred something in me that I hadn't felt in a while.  A.W. Tozer wrote, "Lord, we desire to desire You"...not that he desired God, but desired "to desire" Him.  It was the humility to admit that in his broken state he had gotten to a place where he no longer desired God, but recognized God's desirable-ness. I think our Father will never deny such a honest and vulnerable request.  

I have lived the Christian life in my own strength, "powerless" for so long that I hadn't even realized it or desired otherwise.  So now I ask, "Lord, I want to want to know the power of your resurrection, and fellowship of sharing in your sufferings..." 

Tired of compromise

I'm 42 and have been a believer in Jesus since I was 20.  To put it bluntly, I'm tired of living "warmly", that's to say, in mediocrity.  Many who know me would counter this (I think) with their version of the Christian me, but I know differently.  I've never been one to make New Years resolutions, they seem so contrived, and when i did I never kept it. Today; however, I was reading Jonathan Edwards "70 Resolutions" (not New Years)...things he resolved to do to shape his life into the kind that would honor God, draw other men to Christ, and to ultimately have the life we all want, one with no regrets. Number 7 grabbed me

"Never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life."

...so today, in light of this fresh inspiration, I am resolving to begin living for Christ, HOT and not warm.  Beginning this blog is my first step in hopes there are others out there for whom this philosophy will resonate. No more compromise.  Happy New Year!